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Filtering by Tag: negative mind

Controlling your narrative...

Jamieson Van Loan

I have a great friend who is currently dealing with a not so great break up. Not that any break up is unicorns and rainbows, but hopefully at our age, there can be some maturity and kindness surrounding the dissolution of a relationship. In his situation, there is not. Sadly, she has chosen to spread rumors and lies about him in order to destroy his reputation. She has chosen the immature path forward. I realize the pain surrounding a break up and this desire to make a person hurt as much as you do, but there is never a circumstance, in my mind, where you have to choose to go down such a hateful path. 

This has brought up many conversations about controlling our own narrative. How do we stay calm and quiet when someone else is speaking negatively about us to the world? How do we accept a situation that is out of our control, but specifically about us? My mother would say that you should hold your head up high and continue on your path. I am a firm believer that other people's opinions about yourself is NONE of your business. But when it involves your career, your family and more, how do you stay strong enough to keep chugging along happily? 

Our conversations haven't yielded a great solution. They are rollercoasters of rage to empathy to sadness. From a business or political standpoint, when a company hits a crisis and needs to control the narrative, they always say to be ahead of the media and to attempt to control the spin by putting any information out there first. Can you apply this technique to personal relationships?

My initial thought is no. We aren't cogs in a wheel that can be manipulated by PR. But there is a slight truth to this. My advice to him was this: continue to be exactly who you know yourself to be and realize that they people who truly matter in your life have zero doubt in you. They cannot be manipulated by someone else's poor judgment and harsh criticisms. The people who matter in your life, will stand by you and dismiss lame rumors. They will stop those rumors before they have a chance to grow. The people who care about you and want you to succeed, will not listen to false gossip or be swayed by emotional retaliation. If you can stand so firm in who you are, you can find the inner strength to let the haters roll right off your back. And as embarrassing as a situation can be, you can stand in the truth that the people who believe in you will continue to believe in you. They will continue to champion you. Your strength and perseverance during a personal crisis, is how you control your narrative. 

Not allowing haters to control your narrative and bring you down is no easy task. I think for humans it is much easier to believe the negative chatter about ourselves than the positive. The best way forward is to remove yourself from situations that do not bring you joy. Marie Kondo your life, people. If if isn't bringing you joy, get it as far away as possible from you. Cut ties, move forward.

To my buddy dealing with this negative situation or to anyone dealing with someone else bringing them down, always know you make the final decision on how you approach your day. It is only up to you whether you tackle your life with love, light and joy. No one can take away that positive energy from you, unless you allow them to. Stand in your positive truth and the rest of the universe will follow. 

Stay happy and healthy this weekend, friends! 
Jamieson xo

Stubborn Mindsets

Jamieson Van Loan

I typically spend my three hour delivery period listening to podcasts. I am intrigued by political, psychological and entreprenurial based podcasts. One such podcast this week spoke about our mindset going into situations. I like to think of myself as someone who sees the glass half full but this particular podcast really made me reevaluate my mindset surrounding my expectations. 

When you go into a situation expecting something negative to occur, you automatically seek out the negatives to reinforce the outcome you initially expected. You want to justify your mindset. For example, I am not the biggest fan of Crossfit (aka I'm just not good at it) so when I attend a Crossfit class, I tend to nitpick what I don't enjoy about the class and those things stay in my memory. It is human nature to want to prove yourself right. 

But where does this get us? Have you ever met a person and judged them on their appearance and then wanted them to fit into this box you built in your brain about them? Were you ever surprised when they didn't fit into that box? We all do it. We wish we didn't but we do. 

Letting go of these preconceived notions is not easy. But it is pertinent to work on these stubborn mindsets. Open your world up to being wrong about a person or situation. It is actually quite a beautiful thing to challenge your mindset and be proven wrong. It is here that we find our growth.  

I am constantly asking myself, am I projecting my own experiences on a situation in order to reinforce what I want to be true? And if so, I try to reimagine an alternate result or idea. Try not to see the world in black and white. It is in the shades of grey that we find our evolution. 

Thanks for "listening" to my Friday rant. This week's menu can be found below or by clicking HERE. Don't forget to use code: FRIDAY5 for 5% off by 6pm tonight.

Maikana will have samples at Elliptica in Greenwich all weekend. See image below. They are having free classes all weekend. Go check it out! 

I hope you all have a good and healthy weekend ahead of you! 


Like I was saying...

Jamieson Van Loan

Last week I discussed perception and having empathy for others views within the same situation. This week I want to discuss perception on a grander scale. Recently, I have been working on my mindfulness and part of this is that I am actively trying to notice my negative thoughts. Every time a negative thought passes through my mind, I acknowledge it and politely ask it to vacate my mind.

This is freakin' difficult! I have come to realize that my thoughts seem to gravitate towards worst case scenarios and critical dissections of my day. But why? 

Am I a person who sees the glass half empty? Is my natural perception of the world a negative one? 

My friends would say absolutely not. I am everyone's biggest cheerleader. I truly want the best for everyone, including myself. So why do I lean towards the negative?

It is an evolutionary trait to be naturally drawn to awfulizing thoughts. It is a part of our fight or flight defense mechanism. It is actually NOT an evolutionary trait to be outwardly positive.

So how are you viewing the world today? It's a rainy, gray day. How do you turn that into a positive? How is your glass half full today? 

When I lived in Costa Rica, we would have almost six months of no rain. Not one single drop. Finally, on the first day of rain, everyone would be in the streets rejoicing in it. Literally dancing in the rain. It was such a beautiful sight to witness. So whenever it rains now and I just want to hide under my covers and watch Netflix instead of venturing out in the world, I think of how grateful I used to be for rain.  

Automatic negative interpretations might be an evolutionary response but fighting against them is a more human one. I am going to continue my positive mindfulness and hopefully become more of a glass completely full type of person. 

Thanks for "listening" to my Friday rants. I always appreciate your insightful feedback. 

Have a wonderful rainy day! 
Jamieson xo