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Filtering by Tag: mindfulness

Flatliner vs Rollercoaster

Jamieson Van Loan

Do you ever feel like you're in a constant state of talking about the weather and the more mundane things in life because people are polite and the idea of getting deep and dirty with a stranger is too vulnerable for most? 

Well, I do. And most of the time, I do not mind it. It's the socially acceptable philosophy to small talk, but sometimes you meet someone and they dive right in and you're like woah, me gusta. It is lovely when people have a grasp on ego and vulnerability and take it to the next level from the beginning. Try it sometime, open up deeply to a stranger you vibe with. It may welcome a new friend to your tribe. 

Recently I met someone such as this and besides being extremely interesting and having a wonderful insight on the positive side of life, he taught me about his philosophy on rollercoasters and flatliners.

Que pasa, you ask? Well so did I. 

It is the concept that there are two people in the world, those that rollercoaster through stressful moments and those that flatline. If you are someone who reacts (or overreacts) when life is throwing you curveballs, you're a rollercoaster. The rest of you who stay fairly level-headed and maintain course during trying times, you're a flatliner.
I love this idea and terminology. 

Honestly, as much as I'd like to think of myself as a flatliner, I am most certainly a rollercoaster. With meditation, yoga, therapy and my other self care rituals, I have become much more flatlined in response to drama. And maybe it's the Gemini in me, but the desire to respond to drama and vent feels intrinsic, almost necessary. 

Here is where I am dead wrong. 

It is a choice. 

This past week has certainly been filled with a LOT of ups and downs. Deliveries didn't go as expected, orders got mixed up and I did the best that I could with what the universe was serving me. There were moments where I wanted to export my stress, mostly by venting, ie complaining. But how is that serving me? Does it feel great to get things off your chest? Of course, I get it. And there are certain people who are available to be that sounding board for you. But on the whole, all the complaining or overreacting to stress is doing NOTHING but hurting you. 

Besides the negative health repercussion of elevated levels of cortisol (the hormone released when you're stressed, cure/shameless plug: Maikana's adaptogen superblends), you're also creating a barrier to a more positive life. 

Negativity breeds negativity. 

Here is your goal this weekend: every time your kids or spouse or work or life are driving you crazy and you want to respond by heightening the situation, I want you to pause. Take a deep breathe. Take ten of them. Remind yourself of all the love you're surrounded by. And choose not to be a rollercoaster. Choose to flatline. 

This choice will change you for the better. 

Do you. Ignore the Rest.

Jamieson Van Loan

Raise your hand if you ever, even just a little, worry about other people's opinions of you? 

Do you ever wonder how you were perceived by a stranger or colleague? Or did my clothes send the wrong signal? Or did my speech come across wrong? Or did my personal opinion clash with those around me? Or is someone badmouthing me to someone else? Is that person judging me or my partner's behavior?  Seriously think about it, do you worry about people’s opinion of you? 

Oh wait, is that all of you? 

Yep. Yeah it is. 

And you know why? Because we have been conditioned from a young age to find part of our self worth in other people’s opinions of us. We look to magazines, social media, our parents, our friends, our partners, our colleagues- everyone filters into who and what we should be. We are never 100% sure of exactly who we are without someone chiming in. 

Now think about that on a deeper level. Did your parents ask you to get good grades to justify your worth? Or did you ever alter things about yourself to be accepted by friends in grade school? There are so many historical reasons that play into why we hold others’ opinions to such high regard. It is ingrained in our brains. 

And when people are saying good things about you- dang it feeds good!! How nice is it to be told that you look good, or your haircut is nice or you did great  in that meeting or you interviewed well or your food tastes amazing? It makes us swell with joy. Gracias people for that encouragement. 

But on the reverse side, when we hear words that speak to the critic inside of us- woah! No thank you. Especially if it comes from people whose opinions we value- it hurts. Like a dagger through the heart, it burns.

And isn’t it always easier to believe the bad before the good? 

But here is the thing. Read these words and believe them: no one determines your worth, except you. No one. 

Sounds super simple, right? It’s not. 

You have the choice of who or what or what opinions you give power to. If you want to give power to other people’s opinions- do you! But it will never serve you. 

Today I urge you to find your worth inside of you. Introspectively evaluate your shared words, how you treat people, how you treat yourself, how you make people feel after you walk away, how you’re serving the world. Let your inner and honest judge be the determination of your worth. 

And if you’re not happy with that self evaluation, find the power to change it. But do not allow others to be the voice inside of you. You cannot control other people's opinions of you (and you will be judged constantly) but you can deny those trivial perspectives access.

It is not easy. But it is doable. It takes practice. To silence the opinions of others and focus purely on what you know to be true requires perseverance and truly honoring the goodness inside of you. But it will pay off in the long run. Start today. Silence the outside world. Find your true self worth. Do you.

Jamieson xo

Are you a giver or a taker?

Jamieson Van Loan

This past week I posted an image on my personal instagram that said "some people will only love you as much as they can use you. Their loyalty ends where the benefits stop." I got an insane amount of responses to this, mostly high five emojis and "so true".  

I had posted this because I understand this unease with unbalanced relationships. There are people that you can give and give and give to and never receive anything back. There are also people who do use you to fulfill a void in their life and then drop you once it's filled. That being said I do not think those humans are aware that they are doing this. No one actively seeks to use someone. The question is why do we let it happen? Why do we allow ourselves to be used?

Part of me thinks it is this desire to "change" someone. That if I give enough, eventually they will realize how amazing I am and give back. Part of me thinks for certain people, being the giver in any relationship is a part of their genetic coding (me!). And the other part is that we don't value ourselves enough to demand a balance. 

This is where the work comes in. We need to know our worth and demand the respect it deserves, in any and all relationships. This is not limited to intimate relationships but across the board with friendships, family and work. 

Reading this quote really made me reevaluate relationships in my life. Am I the one always putting in the work? Or am I the one sitting back on my laurels and benefiting without giving? Either way, it stops here and now!

Who is with me?

I hope you all have a beautiful (dry!) Memorial day weekend! Please take time to acknowledge all the beautiful souls that we have lost in the armed services.

Maikana is closed on Monday but we will see you Tuesday!

Jamieson xo

Stubborn Mindsets

Jamieson Van Loan

I typically spend my three hour delivery period listening to podcasts. I am intrigued by political, psychological and entreprenurial based podcasts. One such podcast this week spoke about our mindset going into situations. I like to think of myself as someone who sees the glass half full but this particular podcast really made me reevaluate my mindset surrounding my expectations. 

When you go into a situation expecting something negative to occur, you automatically seek out the negatives to reinforce the outcome you initially expected. You want to justify your mindset. For example, I am not the biggest fan of Crossfit (aka I'm just not good at it) so when I attend a Crossfit class, I tend to nitpick what I don't enjoy about the class and those things stay in my memory. It is human nature to want to prove yourself right. 

But where does this get us? Have you ever met a person and judged them on their appearance and then wanted them to fit into this box you built in your brain about them? Were you ever surprised when they didn't fit into that box? We all do it. We wish we didn't but we do. 

Letting go of these preconceived notions is not easy. But it is pertinent to work on these stubborn mindsets. Open your world up to being wrong about a person or situation. It is actually quite a beautiful thing to challenge your mindset and be proven wrong. It is here that we find our growth.  

I am constantly asking myself, am I projecting my own experiences on a situation in order to reinforce what I want to be true? And if so, I try to reimagine an alternate result or idea. Try not to see the world in black and white. It is in the shades of grey that we find our evolution. 

Thanks for "listening" to my Friday rant. This week's menu can be found below or by clicking HERE. Don't forget to use code: FRIDAY5 for 5% off by 6pm tonight.

Maikana will have samples at Elliptica in Greenwich all weekend. See image below. They are having free classes all weekend. Go check it out! 

I hope you all have a good and healthy weekend ahead of you! 

Jamiesonxo

Stop expecting.

Jamieson Van Loan

PSA of the day:

Expectations in life are quite often difficult to manage. We set ourselves up for constant disappointment because we expect a certain outcome from a situation or a response from an individual that is similar to what ours would be. It is this idea that you assume other people will come from the same rational place that you do. Except, they come from their OWN rational place. Their mindset is created through an entirely different set of experiences. So why do we constantly go into situations with our own set of expectations and end up being hurt, rejected, let down? 

Because it is human nature. It is human nature to think that the people you have chosen to surround yourself with, family included, is going to think and act the same way or similar to you. OR what I tend to do, is expect them to KNOW how I am feeling or what I expect of them and therefore do that, rather than do what they think. The world is not made up of mind readers. 

This is a reminder to me and everyone else- do not expect anything from anyone. They and the world do not owe you a thing! When you approach a situation with zero expectations, there are no disappointments.

Yes, you can feel disappointed that your husband chose to not take out the garbage sitting by the door BUT you should not have expected it to happen unless you asked point blank. End of story. You do not have a right to be externally upset about it. Sorry ladies!

How many times have you thought "but I would never do that?" What people choose to do is a part of their character, not yours. Try to remember that. And be a little more forgiving to yourself and others when they do not meet your unspoken expectations. It makes for a much quieter mind. 

Have a great weekend! Go into seeking nothing and enjoy all of it! 

Jamieson xo