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Filtering by Tag: ownership

I’m sorry.

Jamieson Van Loan

When you hurt someone without malice, through actions unintended, it is quite possibly the worst feeling, especially for an empath. This past week I did just that. As I preach being and sharing love and compassion and empathy, I sorta feel like a fraud. Here I am constantly trying to be the kindest and best version of myself and through my own actions, I hurt someone I care deeply about.

Typically when you hurt someone accidentally, your tribe says but it’s not your fault or you didn’t mean it, that’s on them, etc, etc. But at the day’s end, this person is upset and hurt and rightfully so. That pain needs to be acknowledged. We are all allowed to emotionally react to situations in our own way. Regardless if you would react in that manner or think their reaction is valid or not, it is not up to you. If someone feels justified in their emotions, your job is to acknowledge them and lay the foundation for an open nonjudgmental discussion.

We should always feel all the feelings. Own them. Express them. Swim through them. I think a lot of the time when we do or say things that hurts another person, our auto-response is defensive. I know in my past, I’ve gotten angry at other people’s hurt feelings. Having responses like “grow up” or “don’t put that on me” or “that’s your issue” or anything that dismisses someone’s emotions is not only the immature response, but it creates more unnecessary drama. It has taken me a lot of self awareness to see the other person’s pain, acknowledge where it is coming from, own my part in it and apologize and hopefully gain forgiveness and move forward.

The caveat to all this is that your emotional reaction should not be used as a way to trigger a negative response. When we are hurt, we instinctively want to make our assailant the target of pain. We want to use words to bring them to our level of suffering. We try to trigger them and gaslight them, reacting from the most primitive part of our brain. You hurt me, therefore I hurt you.

This is where emotional maturity should kick in. Either a space needs to be created for the anguish to subside before a discussion can be held or the victim needs to realize where the hurt is originating and be able to relay that in an evolved manner. When you boil down hurt, it almost always comes from a place of fear. It can be fear of reliving your past, fear of connection, fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of heartbreak and so forth, but typically hurt overlays fear.

When you can step back from a situation and peel away the emotional layers to see what is subconsciously happening, you tend to have a more peaceful and respectful approach to the situation.

This should be all our ultimate goals in relationships: to genuinely seek the place where your friend, family member or partner is coming from, make the time and space to understand, or at the very least, respect their position and then cultivate a mature, hopefully solution-driven, conversation surrounding that.

I understand that in the heat of the moment, this is rarely the case, but it should always be our goal. And like all emotionally mature goals, this takes vulnerability. Being able to put your guard down, dive deep into your self, listen and respect a human’s entire past and current stance- it all requires serious work. Because we don’t show up to any situation without our personal baggage. Own your baggage and respect others.

What I learned this week is that my actions do not live a vacuum and I should be more vigilant about how I behave or speak in this world. I have also learned how to set aside my own opinions in order to better understand where my loved ones are coming from. Most of all I’ve learned to accept humility more.

If my fave one, who I hurt, is reading this, please know (again) how sorry I am. Please find forgiveness and acceptance of what cannot be changed. You are loved.

To everyone else: be mindful of how you carry yourself because you never know if your actions or words are hurting another and if they are, be understanding and modest in your approach and sincere and kind in your apology.

Vulnerably yours,

Ho'opono what?!

Jamieson Van Loan

Our newest addition to the Maikana team, the lovely Carla, (Hi, Carla! I know you're reading this!) has been such a beautiful source of energy and grace. She stormed into our team and completely stole my heart. She had me at yoga, meditation, reiki and all the spiritual travels of her life. 

One amazing thing she taught me about is ho'oponoono (hoe-oh-poh-no-poh-no). This is the Hawaiian practice of forgiveness, reconciliation (more with yourself but also with others) and releasing needless energy surrounding negative situations in your life. 

I'll give you a quick synopsis, but I highly recommend you googling it and listening to videos or reading articles on the forefather of this practice, Dr. Hew Len. 

We are taught that we are 100% responsible for our own actions. And I completely agree with this. We must be completely accountable for our actions.

I've noticed that people tend to use others as their excuses for their own actions. ie. I did this because you made me feel this way or set me off in such a way that I reacted that way. They may take ownership for their actual actions, but they don't take ownership of where those emotions stem from. I must say, I am guilty of this. 

Ho'oponopono is the practice of full responsibility. Total and utter responsibility for everything in your life. It basically means that no matter happens or where it stems from or how it makes you feel, you are completely 100% responsible for the situation in your life and you must take ownership of the situation, positive or negative. 

It is easy for all of us to take kudos for positive situations in our lives. Oh you won an award or got a promotion- kudos, good job. Easy to accept. But what about the negative situations, how do you handle those? 

Ho'oponopono wants you to take full responsibility for negative situations and realize that you essentially brought yourself into that situation and now you must deal with yourself and how to heal from that. It's not that you asked for it, per se, but that your own subconscious and underlying historical perceptions manifest the situations you're finding yourself in. 

When Carla told me about this practice I was a wee bit skeptical. So what... I just own every single thing in my life? Like if someone cheats on me or hits my car- that is my fault?! And the answer is pretty much, yep. 

Your approach, or better yet mantra, to every situation are these four notions: 

1) I'm sorry
2) Please forgive me
3) Thank you
4) I love you

You are to use these four energies for all situations. If you're angry or upset, repeat these lines (over and over again) and send that energy towards that issue. It is supposed to help you take responsibility of whatever happens and to begin to heal from within. We tend to need others' apologies or their ownership to begin to heal from our disparities with them. Ho'oponopono says nope! It is from within that you can heal. No outsider's words or actions can help you heal, only you can move through the recovery. 

I have to say, that since I've started really conceptualizing the practice of ho'oponopono, it has become to make much more sense in my life. It has stopped me from the blame game and the judgmental (read: defensive) stance we can sometimes take in our negative stories. It is a fresh perspective. I recommend you all try it. It may not be for you, but it is a good way to dial issues back in. 

Give it a whirl! Find a way to say, "I'm sorry I caused negativity in your life. Please forgive me for this. Thank you for being open to my apology and open to me as a human and I love you no matter what". It is not easy but it is worth trying. 

Have a beautiful weekend! 

Jamieson xo

Can you self-congratulate?

Jamieson Van Loan

Wasn't everyone raised to be humble?! That you quietly (regardless of your inner pride) celebrate your accomplishments and silently wait for the accolades and compliments. I certainly was not raised to shout my achievements from a mountaintop. My mother would have been sorely disappointed in my "bragging". 

Sometimes we need to SHOUT IT OUT! Celebrate. Scream. Screw how we were raised. We need to honor our major feats and triumphs. It is necessary for our  self-empowerment. We can't always wait for others to recognize our significant milestones. We need to be our own cheerleaders! Only we are aware of how hard we worked and how much effort was put forth to get to where we are. Celebrate yourself! Shout it from rooftops or the proverbial mountaintop aka social media. Rock on people! 

So to completely and proudly toot my own horn, Maikana Foods is celebrating six months of being open. Six months of being a part of your lives. AND I AM SO GRATEFUL! Thank you for allowing Maikana to be a part of your healthy regimen. My only hope at this six-month mark is that I have grown and slowly begun to roll out the bumps and lumps of my business. Maikana is by no means perfect (yet-hehe) but I am constantly working on it and evolving. And I am so happy that you are along for the ride. 

Thank you so so so much to all our clients who have stuck by Maikana or helped us along the way. You are the reason Maikana continues every day. 

As a small sign of my gratitude, Maikana is offering 10% off on all orders this week. The coupon code at check out is: 
(this cannot be used post-check out, sorry!)

Thank you all for being a part of this amazing journey. Have a beautiful weekend!

Jamieson xo