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Filtering by Tag: Light

Be the light...

Jamieson Van Loan

This week, one of my favorite humans paid me the best compliment I’ve heard in a very long time. Speaking about me she said, “the fun we had would not have happened without you. You make people want to sing and dance. You bring that out in people. You make us want to have fun.”
 
I don’t think she knew her words would make me cry, but they did. Joyous tears. The idea that I make people feel joy and fun and give them a space to be themselves. To give them the freedom and luxury to sing and dance without judgement. Holy moly, what a kind beautiful compliment!

My first takeaway is that we should all be so honest and open and giving with our compliments. I am an authentic complimenter; to the point that people may think I’m being fake, but I’m 100% not. I tend to tell people, immediately, if I like something about them, even strangers. I love that quote that says something like “if you see something beautiful in someone, tell them. It may take a second to say, but for them it could last a lifetime.” And it’s so true! We all have memories of kind words spoken about us. It is such an easy and simple way to better someone’s day, so why not do it?!

After evaluating why that compliment made me so emotional, I realized that I never thought those things about myself. Ever. I always felt like I’m the person who has the sturdy shoulders that others can stand upon. I’m the support system to their shine. I’m not the one doing the shining.

But something clicked after she said that. I AM the one who’s shining. I am the freakin’ magic. It’s been me all along. I always thought that the people in my tribe were making me feel great and making me laugh and they add all this value to my life but I didn’t realize that I was doing the same for them. I never anticipated that my presence was pulling out the magic in them. How powerful did that compliment just become?! I am a major part of the reason that my tribe feels comfortable enough to enjoy life and be silly. Woah!
 
Since this acknowledgement, I have now come to recognize that the light I seek and see in others, tends to be the same exact light that they see and seek in me. We all are making each other glow. We are all highlighting the beautiful, yet sometimes hidden, parts of each other. We are pushing each other to the point of illumination based on our combined vibrations. It is seriously effin’ magical!
 
We are all radiant beings.

I can only speak for myself but I have to be honest here, I RARELY feel this way. I rarely feel like I am conquering my to-do list. I rarely feel like I am succeeding. I rarely feel like I’ve got it all together. I rarely feel like I am influencing any beauty in this world. I rarely feel on top of anything at all. I feel like I am mostly surviving, just getting by.
 
That being said though, majority of the time, I feel happy. Like surreal happy. Like questionable happy. Why is that?
 
I think it is because I have realized that my self-confidence, my inner happiness, is never contingent on exterior situations. I am never defining my true being by what is happening outside of me. Internally, I am grateful. I am happy. I am secure. I am aware.

So what I learned this week, after 36 plus years on this planet, is that I am the freakin’ magic. I am the light. I am my own joy.
 
And get this- so are YOU! If you are reading this and absorbing any of this, you are your own beautiful light. If you are seeking beyond your own wisdom and growing, you are creating the light within.

With all the hatred in the world (my heart goes out to NZ), my advice today, and every day, is to be that lighthouse for others. Be that guiding illumination that allows people to be authentic and to vibrate higher. And gratefully, bask in their reciprocating glow.  
 
Namaste,
Jamieson xo
 
PS. Happiest of birthdays to my best friend, Lauryn! She is the beautiful human who shared these words to me. Lauryn, thank you for always being the brightest light in my world! xo
 

The yin & the yang of it

Jamieson Van Loan

A couple nights ago, I saw a musical called Waitress. When the movie first came out, I remember renting it from the Darien library and the second it ended, I restarted it. I was drawn to it. The story is about a woman, a waitress, whose life has not gone the way she expected and even with all the wrong turns she finds the strength to stand strong and change her path.

Besides the obvious beauty of the story line, I have always felt a connection to this idea that life may not always be cracked up to what it’s supposed to be but we are all a-ok. If we all took stock of our lives, how often are we in awe of how perfect it’s turning out?

I will speak for myself and say, rarely is my life turning out as I thought it would. And the shocking part of this is that I would not change one damn part of it. I’ve had glimpses of the perfection. I’ve lived many chapters of complete happiness and as much as I loved those moments and am grateful for them, there was no room for growth.

Lessons in life are learned or better yet, forced upon us, in the shadows of life. We expand in the darkness. We cannot know the beauty of happy without going through the struggle. 

I was once told that I’m too complicated of a person. Sadly, I believed them. That the chaos of my shadows and light were overwhelming. It took a long time to dig myself out of that gaslit generalization. I had to live through an unexpected dark period of my life to grasp that the depths of my persona are beautiful layers of experience and emotion. The idea of trading that chaotic beauty for a simple shallow existence is now laughable to me.
Now.
But I had to trudge through the raw dark space to truly appreciate the light and goodness inside of me. The dichotomy of those two worlds exist within me. I appreciate the light and layers because the dark lives there also. One cannot exist without the other.

Our lives are transient. Remember that when we are in perfect moments of our lives, there will be an equal moment of sadness and struggle. And that is ok. It is necessary. But we move through both states and come out stronger and more powerful because of it. Your chaos is a beautiful thing.

There is a song in Waitress called "She Used To Be Mine" that I’ve always loved and one line in it is “she is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie”. That is all of us. We are all a jumble of experiences walking around just trying to make real connections. 

Needless to say, if Waitress is on your to-do list, get on it. The premise is moving and real. It is a reminder that the doldrums of life are met, equally, with joy.