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Do you trust yourself?

Jamieson Van Loan

I was always the person who listened to their gut. I can sense people's energies or vibrations, if you will, and I always know right away if we will be true friends or not. I can sense people's real emotions (which isn't always the one they are emoting) and know how to cater to their needs. I always knew in my gut what the best decision was for my work. I made decisions quickly and typically without regret. I knew myself and what was best for me.  I used to trust in my intuition implicitly. 

Keywords: used to

We all have heard the lines "listen to your heart" "follow your inner voice" "trust your gut" but what if that voice inside of you is sending you mixed signals? 

As life is constantly throwing us curve balls, I have had to take a step back from this implicit self-trust. I have been in this strange headspace where I am aware of what (I think) my gut is saying and I have to really evaluate where that conversation is coming from. Am I projecting? Is it based on bias? Is it based on personal history? Is it my ego?

What I have realized is that whenever I am in a grand evolution, my intuition can be faulty. I am in between the past and the future me and my gut sometimes doesn't have time to catch up. It does not help if you have made some gut-based decisions and they have turned out tragically wrong. Boy, does that put you in a headspin?!

Your intuition is constantly self-protecting you. And it damn well should! It keeps your vulnerability at bay and only allows situations to be beneficial to you. It is your fiercest guardian. 

But when you are transitioning or going through difficult situations in life-whether this be with work, relationships, personal growth, etc- how can you refine your intuition to be more accurate? This is what I have been struggling with.

How can I trust myself again?

Personally, it has taken a great deal of self-awareness. I question myself and the basis for my feelings. Are they real and accurate or are they based on my imagination running wild? Typically anytime my gut is wrong, I have been following the latter. And that is ok! We all do it. We all only truly see the world through our own eyes. This means our experiences, our positive and negative pasts, influence how we think and react. It is human nature. But sometimes we have to be bigger than that. We have to sift through our historical biases and realize what our gut is honestly preaching. Realizing that your gut is the teeny tiny voice inside of you rather than the one bombarded by skeptical questions and influenced by experiences and outsiders; that stark voice is the one you listen to.

I am learning to trust myself again. I am realizing that my past mistakes have only carved out a more beautiful soul. I have stopped beating myself up over wrong decisions. I am welcoming a new version of me, one where I can trust myself wholeheartedly again. It is not easy. For anyone who has been in my situation and understands that question of  "why the heck did I do that?", please know that you are in good company. It is healthy to question your intuition. It creates more self-awareness and opens up a honest personal dialogue that urges the growth to your next great evolution.

On the other hand, be grateful for the little voice, that defender of your soul. It is your greatest peronal resource.