The other disease we are battling

I tend to write exactly how I am feeling, so I apologize if this rant is far from positive. Typically, I want to interject some thought-provoking ideas and positive emotions into your Friday, but today I am tired. I am emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally drained. I am burned out. I am in COVID overload like everyone else. But here is what is actually sitting heavy with me and bogging me down, a different sickness: selfishness.

Selfishness is the other disease we are all dealing with. People are hoarding groceries. People are still having social gatherings and playdates with their kids. People are buying out medical grade masks preventing health care workers from having the proper tools for protection. People are driving to different states to buy out hand sanitizer and reselling it for a massive mark up. People are not listening to basic guidelines set in place to help our community. People have been only out for themselves. People have forgotten how to be a community.

And I, for one, am sick and f*cking tired of these selfish people. Excuse my language but this demands that emphasis. Selfishness is a terrible illness and it is spreading like wildfire. It may not kill you, but it sure is not helping the human race thrive right now. I realize it is not all of you. It is probably not majority of who is reading this rant. But it is, unfortunately, a good chunk of our community that is feeding into this low-level weakness. Fortunately, it is a disease we can actually control. We know the solution to prevent the spread of selfishness. Stop thinking of yourself and your inner circle and think of your neighbors, your grocery store employee that you say hello at Trader Joes, the person who delivers your mail, your gynecologist, your hair dresser, etc. Would you want them to suffer? Would you want them to be hunting for milk and toilet paper for their families? NO! So I am begging for people to think before they act. Think of the greater good. Think of everyone as a part of your inner circle. Because we are! We are all connected. If this terrible virus is proving anything- it is just that: we are all CONNECTED. And that needs to be on the forefront of our minds.

My brain does not function this way. I literally cannot help but constantly do things for others. My therapist would say that selfishly it’s because I want to be known as the giver, the kind one, a good person. And maybe that’s so…but what’s the harm in that? I like people to be happy. I like people to feel taken care of. I like people to know I am here for them. I like to be known as reliable and generous. And more importantly, I know my boundaries. I know when enough is enough. I know when to focus on myself and not others. I know when my generosity of spirit isn’t serving me. So what harm is there if I am a person who puts others needs as high as my own? Never higher, but they are up there alongside mine.

After crying approximately nine times on Wednesday, I had to take a step back and really assess what was happening in my head. Why was I so upset? I’m honestly, ok with the COVID stuff. I cannot control it. I can only do my best to take preventative measures. If a majority of us are going to get it, I have to be ok with being infected. I am healthy and I hope to stay that way, but I will take what the universe gives me, as always. So that wasn’t my issue. Why was I freaking out? And I realized, that this was my first introduction to the massive human weakness of selfishness. I tend to seek and see the good in people and think that we are all championing each other in some small way, but this was my first rodeo in true cynicism. I was angry at the human race. I was pissed off at their response to this virus. I was bitter that they couldn’t see what their selfish panic was doing to the world. All the negative posts on social media. All the videos of people partying and hanging out. What happened to the positive world I was living in?

So I shut it down. I stopped watching the news and reading the papers. I muted a good portion of my Instagram. Sorry, not sorry. I took to my friends who fill up my cup with positivity, rather than horrifying stories of COVID. I put a kibosh on corona talk in my world. I called friends who may need groceries and offered to help find them. I hunted down toilet paper for my lovely cleaning lady with three kids who had run out and couldn’t find any. I ran errands for neighbors who couldn’t. I removed the negatives from my life. And even though I still feel a heaviness today. I am feeling better than yesterday. And that is all I can ask for: a better day each day.

And you know what I am waiting for and actually really excited about?! The rainbow after this shitstorm. Because just like September 11, there will be a coming together and unity among us. It may be cavemen status out there today, but once this settles and becomes a new form of reality, there will be a shift in humanity. There will be joy again. There will be more positivity and connection. We will come together stronger and better. We will evolve to feed the greater good of humanity and not just ourselves and loved ones. And I cannot FREAKIN’ wait for that moment. That is what is getting me through today: the beauty on the horizon.

Please know that I am here to talk to anyone who needs an ear. I am available on facetime and on the phone or email to help if you need it. If you need a roll of toilet paper, email me. I will drop it off. I want to be beacon during this destructive time. Let’s all try to be that for the world: a light in the darkness.

Be love, share love,

Jamieson xo