Is ego getting in the way of joy?

We are put on this planet to follow our path. The key to that sentence is the word “our”. It’s not society’s path. It’s not your best friend’s path. It’s not your mentor’s path. It’s not anyone else’s path but your own. And our goal on this planet- which you may or may not believe or understand yet- is to form connections through love. And with that- comes joy and happiness. This is not forgetting the more difficult emotions. Those exist as well and are as equally important but today I’m talking about joy. We don’t die thinking of how much money we had or thank God we bought that giant house or thank God I got that promotion or anything of the sort. We die thinking of our loved ones and (possibly a few regrets) we pray that they continue on living happily without our human form around. This life is meant for love. And joy is a birthright of love.

The killjoy to happiness is the ego. The ego is the primitive part of our brain that is meant to protect us. In the caveman days, the ego taught us fight or flight in order to save us from true physical danger. The ego carried on through evolution to do the same but within different parameters. We were no longer running from a saber tooth tiger- now we are running from difficult emotions, situations, conversations, comparisons, vulnerability, trauma etc. The ego thinks it is protecting us and keeping us safe, when in reality, it is preventing us from growth and from being truly seen. When you learn to strip away ego, you come into your authentic self and that is a scary journey. It is not easy to allow yourself to be seen as you truly are because god forbid your authentic self isn’t acceptable to all (please refer to last week’s musing for more on rejection and ego). The ego likes to keep you small in order to protect you.

I like to think of my ego as someone separate from me. This has helped me understand my choices better. I ask myself, “is this ego driven or soul driven?” And most of the time it is ego. And when ego comes into play so does negative emotions. So I figured out how to make my decisions, language and inner dialogue reflect my authentic self rather than my ego-driven self. It is not easy. It does not work all the time and like all things, it is a practice. But the more I remind myself that ego is the driving force behind my fear, my rejection, my sadness, etc, the better equipped I am to handle those emotions and thoughts.

The ego demands more in life. It wants you to crave more and not be satisfied. It wants you to follow society’s predestined path. Have you ever felt like you keep wanting more and getting more and you’re still not happy or satisfied? That is ego in play. Ego drives consumerism. The minute you shift into a grateful mindset, the ego starts to quieten down. It is why gratitude lists or speaking them out loud is so important. It is a way to stand outside ego and remember the small things in life that foster joy. You do not need more, you want more. Joy comes from realizing that difference. It is from knowing that your worth is not built upon external items and ownership.

And what about the time you spend worrying about things that never happen? You build entire stories in your head of worst-case scenarios and they never happen! Ego is backing up that thought process. It wants you to worry. And really worrying is only suffering twice if the actual worrisome event happens. So let go of ego and worry only when it is happening, not beforehand. This will make more space for joy to come in. Easier said than done, I know.

And why do we continue to feed the ego? Because it is terrifying not to. Once you can separate your true self from your ego-armored self, you are emotionally and mentally naked. Having no armor on makes you incredibly vulnerable. You are now open to pain and hurt. You have to deal with sadness and grief. You have to acknowledge your true desires and not the externally built ones instilled in you. You have to get really honest with yourself and it fully accentuates your flaws and your demons. It is scary to move ego aside. Trust me, sometimes I wish I could go back to who I was to avoid all the inner digging and messiness.

BUT once you can set aside ego (because unfortunately you can never get rid of ego), you start to see the joy in the little things. You inner critic, controlled by ego, quiets down. You love yourself more. The love you build inside exudes to the rest of the world. People see you in a different light. You attract the people meant for real connection. Doors begin to open and your life starts moving in flow. I know this because its currently happening to me. The more I let go of ego and situations that aren’t serving me, the more my life is filled with joy and reasons to smile. And if you knew me six months ago, you would not believe this turn around. I have gone from a grieving, depressed, ego-driven person (because ego thrives in the bad moments) to someone who is full of magic and light again. And I’m so freakin’ happy about it. (Note: this does not mean I don’t have bad days and cry and breakdown- I do. But I’m not tethered to that pain. I acknowledge and I move through it. And return to joy.)

I may not reach all my goals and I may fail at every corner but ego is not going to destroy the joy I have found. It is my choice to allow ego to take hold and beat myself up for my shortcomings. And I refuse to let it. I know where my happiness lives and I go to that space. I no longer have room for the drama and the bullshit. I have streamlined my life for joy. And that is my current success. Not my career, not my bank account, not my belongings, but knowing that happiness and joy are a part of my daily experience. And I am so grateful that I am learning how to separate ego from my authentic self in order to open myself up to the wonders and connections this world has to offer. 

So my question to you is: are you tethered to ego or to joy?

Be love, share love and find your joy, 

Jamiesonxo