Pain is good for the soul
Recently, someone told me that they avoid, as much as humanly possible, anything that can hurt them. They build walls or they steer clear of or they run away from any and all situations that could cause them emotional anguish. My immediate imagery was of their heart in bubble wrap. Safe and sound. I thought, wow how amazing would the ability to be completely shut down from all the pain, hurt and suffering you may endure; to be able to block it out and focus elsewhere. Life would be so much simpler. But then I realized that I would be absolutely nowhere in my life if I didn’t trudge through the mud. Who would I even be?
If I didn’t have my heart broken into a million tiny pieces. If I didn’t lose family members and loved ones. If I didn’t suffer through the death of a best friend. If I didn’t lose my home, my dog. If I didn’t have ideas and businesses fail. If I didn’t lose money and struggle financially. If I didn’t lose people I loved through disagreements and distance. If I didn’t make poor decisions. If I didn’t cause pain & hurt in others. If I didn’t suffer through depression and major anxiety. If I could compartmentalize all of that hurt and pain and pretend it didn’t exist, what would my life look like?
It wouldn’t be a life I am proud of. I’ll say this- if I didn’t put my heart, soul and life out on a limb constantly- I’d never know how freakin’ strong I am. I wouldn’t know how resilient my heart is. I wouldn’t know that emotional pain doesn’t just represent disappointment and loss but it stimulates serious growth. If I didn’t go through every single terrible chapter of my life- I’d not be me. I’d be a much shallower version of myself. I’d be immature in my empathy and compassion. My choices would be completely different. My ability to love freely and work through challenging times may not even exist. I’d be a shell of myself. In reality- avoiding pain does you a grand disservice.
ALL experiences- the good and the bad ones- are amazing & absolutely necessary. Read that again because it’s a hard concept to process. Bad things are negatively accepted by us and good things are positively accepted by us. Because negative aspects of our lives sit heavy and cause not only emotional ailments but physical ones as well, it is hard to see them as positive. Hurt and suffering are on the opposite spectrum of our desires and wants. They dredge up feelings that we don’t want to experience. Difficult and painful situations, especially the ones we are unprepared to accept and acknowledge, go so deeply against the grain of our emotional make-up that we only allow for suffering as a response. What if we accepted that suffering is only one part of it and the other option is to dive directly into the suffering in order to find our better selves? Just like the beautiful lotus flower that only grows in the mud. Pain does not have to exist in conflict with positive outcomes.
What if someone came up and said “you’re gonna have three months of heartache and hurt, but then you’ll feel the best you’ve felt in a long time? Mentally stronger than ever and you’ll actually be happier than you thought you could be? Would you sign up? Or run from it? The unknown of how suffering is going to play out and for how long helps in the avoidance. Personally, I’d jump in headfirst.
Pain and suffering help us recognize happiness. I’d go so far as to say it makes us more grateful for the joy-filled moments. It also creates an empathic connection amongst others in the same boat. There are benefits to suffering. They are just not as easily accessible as the happy moments. Bring on growth & resilience!
Know this: your heart was designed to heal itself. It is YOU that keeps it from healing. Sometimes sitting in the pain is a choice we make because we fear moving forward. We fear what life will look like if we accept the reality. Accepting an unwanted path in life is difficult. Change is difficult. Feeling hurt becomes our cloak of comfort.
Sometimes (and I’ve definitely done this) people hold onto the hurt so they can stay in their victimhood. It’s a way to protect themselves.
You do not need to hold onto pain, anguish, stress or suffering so you can stay inside of the story you created in your head. You can grieve and let it go. You can accept reality. You can forgive. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR STORY. You can create a life that allows for a balance of suffering AND joy. Because that is inevitable. You will have both. You cannot avoid either. The objective is to not allow one to dominate the other. A happy life is not happy because of the absence of pain. It is created by recognizing the difficult moments and learning how to adapt through them better. I also say this knowing how much easier it is said than done.
Like most situations in my life, I try to not be shortsighted. What is happening now is impermanent. Your emotions, your triggers, your heartache, your problems are all going to change dramatically over your lifetime, possibly over the minute you finish reading this. Is your one day, your next breath, your lifetime worth dodging all the bad things? Knowing that every situation tacks onto your armor and makes you the powerful individual you are? Your deep armor of strength is forged in the fire of suffering. From where I stand, accepting what the universe has in store for me- good or bad- is necessary for my expansion. I do not want a heart covered in bubble wrap. I want it to break and suffer as much as necessary to keep it open to the beautiful possibilities around the corner. How about you?
Be love, share love,
Jamiesonxo