Where do you find your validation?

I randomly started thinking the other day about who, what and where I get my validation from. I think a lot of us are unclear day to day how to precisely define ourselves. Who am I? What is my purpose? Where am I headed? All of these questions are predicated on our self-worth. If we do not see ourselves as beautiful, unique, amazing humans- how can we go out into the world and kick ass and serve our bigger purpose? Our self-worth is built upon being validated by ourselves mostly, but also from our personal environment.

I began to dissect where my validation came from over the years. In my early 20s, it was definitely defined from a more social aspect- how many friends I had, what parties I got invited to, what men (boys?) I was dating, what grades I was getting in college. My validation was ego based. It was all external validation. It was also all shallow validation. Not one thing I put my worth into was long term or actually important. It was temporary validation. Not one single thing that I thought defined me at 20-something even exists in my life now. No one cares that I got an A in advanced chemistry, no one cares what random guy I dated junior year, no one cares if I went to the huge pig roast for the Superbowl. None of this mattered past the moment they occurred. Yet I built my self-esteem and self-worth around those things. Yikes.

And what did I learn: that if I am to put my self-worth and self-validation into situations that can change with the wind, then so does my self-esteem. Being validated by fleeting circumstances is never good for your soul. The same reasoning that happiness comes from within, applies here.

Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with external validation, as long as you recognize the difference between fluid or impermanent validation and the extraneous situations that truly feed who you are deep down. Being validated by my current tribe and my work, although external, are major factors in to what feeds my authentic self. They both create an environment where I can grow and flourish.

Someone recently asked me about how I separate my business from myself when my entire business is centered around me. I create the menu, I prepare the menu, I do the social media, I write the email blasts, etc. When someone criticizes the business, how do I not take it personally? How do I not let it define me? It has taken me years, not even with just Maikana but my restaurant before this, to understand that I am not my business. I may be the defining cog, but it exists outside of myself. My worth is not predicated on the failure or success of this company. It is based on the passion that I bring to the table each day. It is built upon how I handle the ebbs and flows. Criticisms of Maikana are not criticisms of my being. We must recognize the difference between what is built upon us versus what is built within us.

So my question to you is where are you seeking your validation? Besides the high regard you hold for yourself (and you all better be LOVING yourself), where are you seeking your self-worth? Who or what is helping define who you are? Think hard about this one. Because it is not always apparent where we are seeking our self-validation.

Lastly, I just want to say how proud I am of everyone who put their health first this past week. It is not easy to get off the holiday indulgence wagon, but so many of you were willing to make your health a priority and that made me so happy. Thank you for letting Maikana be a part of your healthy journey!
 
Ciao,
Jamiesonxo