How aligned are you with your values?

I'd like to think that we see our values clear as day but sadly, I think it tends to be more true that we see the value in something after it is lost or taken from us. Real value tends to be seen in hindsight.

Let's take our health, for example. We all value our health and yet we constantly make choices to dishonor that value. We eat crappy food, we drink too much, we talk ourselves out of working out because other things are more important- YET if we didn't have our health, none of these choices would even exist. We wouldn't have the luxury of working out because our unhealthy body would be preventing that. So once the value of health is lost, we respect it more. We beg for it's return. So the question is, do we really value our health if we completely take it for granted?

What about time? We have a million idioms about time: time is money, time flies, time is precious, etc. We talk about “having time" or “finding time” all day long but are we treating time as a value? Time is one of our most precious assets. But how do we spend our time? Sitting on your phone? On Instagram? Sitting in traffic? Complaining about situations out of our control? Gossiping about other people? Hating our jobs? Being angry at our partners? Hungover in bed? Judging people and their life choices? How are you spending the gift of time? Because as we all know, time is finite. It is goes by so quickly that we stop recognizing the person in the mirror. And here's the thing, when you look into that mirror, can you say that you're proud of how you spend your precious time? Are you really honoring it's value?

And what about loved ones? Do you value the good people in your life? Or do you assume that they will always be there and you treat them as such? Something I have noticed with people in my life is that I tend to carry the weight of the relationship. I am the supporter, the giver, the listener, the person who checks in, the person who includes others, the person who remembers your big and small moments- I am someone who genuinely values the people that I love. It is something I am very proud of. Can you say that about yourself? Are you someone who takes their valuable time and genuinely shares it with people they love? Because if you neglect the people who show up for you, do you actually value them? As someone who had to bury their best friend, I promise you that friendships are one of the most important aspects of life. And you definitely, do not value them as much until you lose them. Real friendships are people who choose to be your family and fulfill the roles that our intimate partners cannot and should not fulfill. So when you look around at the people in your life, can you honestly say that you are valuing their presence? Because, it's sad to say, but they may not be here for as long as you'd like to think.

So why am I talking about values? For one because I do not think that any of us, myself included, wake up every morning and spend our days focusing on what deeply matters to us. We don't tend to make our life choices using our internal value system. We tend to look at the external “values”. I use quotes because these are not blanket values. I realize this is a sweeping statement- but I say this with 39 years of experience here in Fairfield County- majority of people are making their choices based on money and reputation. They care more about their bank statements than they do about how they treated the person at checkout. They care about how they are seen in the world- what car they drive, the square footage of their homes, what country club they belong to, what tag is on their shirt, what college they attended or their kids will attend and how they appear on paper. Am I judging these people? No. My values are just not aligned with them and that is ok. Life is not interesting if we are just carbon copies of each other.

The only problem in valuing these types of things is that your personal worth gets tied into them as well. By basing our daily choices on the more superficial parts of life, we are leaving our worth up to a fluctuating society. If you lose your big home or your fancy car tomorrow, where will that leave you? Will you still feel like you hold value in this world? If you don't own a home or fancy car, are you still considered a valued member of society? This is the problem when our values become more superficial. We tend to forget that none of these things change our health, our time on this planet, and who loves us dearly. We lose our internal values and our self-worth by putting emphasis on the superficial. The good that I bring to the world is not defined by what I own or do not own. It is not determined by my job title. It is certainly not what I will be asking for on my deathbed.

What I will be asking for is more time with loved ones and the capacity to do the things that I love on this planet. And isn't that how we should be living our lives in general? I get that we all need money to survive but to what extent? If you could wake up in good health every morning, have someone who loves you hand you a cup of coffee and give you a warm smile to send you off into the world to do exactly what you have a passion for doing- would you give up the idea of a big house and fancy car? Would you value a life of pure alignment over a giant bank account? Would you spend your life building your own dreams rather than someone else's? Because sometimes, and I am guilty of this, I feel like we all wake up and do exactly what society expects of us because to pursue a life that really deeply aligns with our values is too scary a thought. There is too much risk. Even though we know the internal reward is incredible, we can't fathom giving up the superficial rewards. And God forbid, we fail at attempting to have a life that really aligns with our values- how would we ever recover?

Just like we do with all things. One foot in front of the other, minute by minute, hour by hour. We were built to do hard things. It may not seem like it in the center of the storm, but we are resilient creatures. So my ask of you is this: if you could live each day more closely aligned with your true values, what would your day look like? What would you change? How would you show up for the world and the people who love you? Because all it takes are a bunch of tiny steps to reach new lands. This is the universe sending you a sign- your deeply aligned life is calling you!

All my love,
Jamiesonxo