How are you limiting yourself?

I am in the process of shedding things, people and ideas that are no longer serving my higher good. It has taken me years of therapy, of inner healing practices, of deep dives, meditation- you name it- to get to this place where I am setting healthy boundaries for myself. As a somewhat reformed people-pleaser, this has not been an easy journey. My bigger issue now is how do I set boundaries within myself? Because we all know that inner critic, that S.O.B, who is constantly creeping up and shouting all variations of “YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY!”

And I am really sick of her, amongst other things. I am sick of living in a world that has been designed to make me question my inner and outer beauty. All day long we are fed tiny hints of media to make us question our every step in life. Are we taking the right vitamins? Should I be taking collagen? Do I need a peloton? Do I need botox? Is my skin care regime quality enough? Am I sleeping enough? Do I need those jeans to be in style? What the heck is “in style”? Do I need to get my eye lashes done? Am I supposed to be vegan? Am I supposed to intermittent fast? How do I get my butt to look like that? All day long we are told what we are lacking in life and how our lives can be improved upon.

So it is no wonder that our inner critic is constantly having a field day. My inner monster is incessantly telling me how I am not good enough to play with the big guns in the business world. I don’t have an MBA. I did not take one business class in college. I have constant imposter syndrome as the founder of Maikana. Who am I to be running this business? And this is where I always have to take a step back and realize that this is one of my self-limiting beliefs. This assumption alone is what is holding me back from bigger successes.

I have to remind myself that I have written an award-winning business plan. I have to remind myself that I owned and ran a successful restaurant in Costa Rica that I created from nothing. I have to tell myself that I have now started four businesses in my adult life. I have to keep telling myself that I was born to do this. When I was younger, my mother was called by my headmaster in primary school because I had started a friendship bracelet business and all the students across multiple grades were spending all their lunch money on my bracelets and not their lunch. I was asked to close the business and had to let go of my seven employed friends. This is my reminder that I have always been worthy to play with the big guns. So I have to constantly shake loose the belief that I am not meant to captain this entrepreneurial ship. Because my almost 30 years of starting and running my own successful businesses IS my freakin’ MBA.

But when the world is constantly telling you differently, it is difficult to shut down the inner monster. It is easier to belief him or her sometimes. And this is because we are all actively participating in confirmation bias. What is that you ask? It is when you create a narrative in your head and then you only choose to see the parts of you or the world that help amplify that storyline. On top of just believing the story you are telling yourself, you can also behave according to that narrative.

I once dated a guy who behaved pretty shitty towards the end of our relationship and I remember asking him what his issue had become and his response was, “I’m an asshole, just accept that.” And he meant it. He 100% believed that he was now a jerk in my life and therefore could act accordingly to that assumption. He created an image for himself in order to build a wall around his heart to self-protect. He believed he was and therefore he became it.

And here is the issue: we tend to believe the negative stories we tell ourselves over the positive ones. It is so much easier to believe that we are a bad person or not smart enough or not pretty enough or skinny enough or what have you because that mindset keeps us safe and yearning for more. Fear and ego step in when we start to reinforce our positive beliefs. “Hold on there, little lady, where do you think you’re going with all those positive ideas and notions? You start climbing higher, you have a lot longer way to fall. Better to just play it safe and stay right where you are.”

These self-limiting beliefs are constantly getting in our way. In the beginning of the pandemic, I was looking for any excuse to get outside and I considered running. My brain automatically stopped me and said, “Running? You didn’t play sports in high school. You can’t be a runner.” It took me a few days to get the courage to shut down that self-limiting belief and put my sneakers on. And by the middle of the summer, I was running 24 miles a week. I can be and AM a runner now. 

Eff you, inner critic.

Another small but important self-limiting belief that we all participate in, is saying, “I don’t have time for that.” We all have time for the things we prioritize, so a better statement is: “that is not a priority for me”. It helps shift how your brain processes. You regain your power when you realize that YOU are holding yourself from the action, not time.

Imagine all the crazy amazing things you could be doing with your life, if you stopped to question your belief system. Because beliefs are not facts. Repeat and remind yourself of that line. Beliefs are not facts! You have the option to change your mind and circumstance at will. We all have the ability to learn and create and change. Picasso was not born with a paintbrush in his hand. What would the world be like if he had listened to his negative limiting beliefs and put the paintbrush down?

There is definitely a scary aspect of really understanding that YOU are the only thing holding you back from the life you truly want.

Here’s a homework assignment: write down a list of all the things you would do in your life if money was no object and you had zero chance of failure. Now look at that list and figure out a way to accomplish the one that sets your soul on fire. Because you are your only obstacle. We can line up a list of reasons of why it won’t work or why we can’t right now but this life is of your own design. You can choose to play small or to play big. No one has to live with that choice but you. 

So what are you going to do?

Self-liming beliefs are a massive wall between you and the life that you want. And deserve, mind you! Your goal is to tear down those walls and build a bridge. Because the beautiful life you want is just on the other side of all the “I can’ts” or “I should buts”. You deserve all the good on the other side of that wall. Keep that in mind next time you hold yourself back. Do not be your own worst enemy. Be your biggest cheerleader. Remind yourself of how amazing you are and how you deserve only the best that this world has to offer. Stop worrying about others opinions and of failure and start focusing on what steps you can take daily to get to that life you want to create. Tell your inner critic to fuck off! (Excuse the language, but I enjoy cussing for emphasis.) And really start building that bridge to your better self. Remember, you are beyond good enough: you are worthy of all the beauty in this world. Don’t be the reason you don’t get to experience that.

Be proud of where you stand. You have survived your toughest days and you are worthy of love and happiness, 
Jamiesonxo